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| Hii xanga. Long time no write.
I realize the sporadic-ness of Tumblr has taken over lately, but this will always be a better place to write my thoughts, actions, feelings, whatever the hell I want. So I'm going to break this down a bit, I have a lot to say to make up for lost time. Read on if you please
Point 1: LSS
Soo..a lot has gone down since August. I actually had an LSS blog from the beginning of October I never finished. But the gist of that was my experience at it, and how it was like God saying "Stay on the path, and you'll be happy." And yeah so far, I'm glad I took it even after having a lot of doubts about it. But He does work in the mysterious ways, and it worked out for the best. I felt a joy in my heart that I haven't felt in awhile. I mean, being back in BLD, the community, the new people I met, how tight knit everyone else, I love it. It feels like home once again.
Point 2: School
Class:
School has been in full swing, and the semester has been a bitch. Every week I've had either an exam or project, or both. It sucks, but I've been working hard and it's been fruitful. I got A's pretty much on my first three projects of the two programming classes I had. And I did decent on the exams, maybe I'll get away with a B+ or something. But the real problem is next semester. I only need to take two more classes to graduate. I need to start getting internships. I need to get a life set...reality is going to hit so soon and I don't feel any preapred for it.
RAPS
I love my part in RAPS. Media crew head, editing videos, pumping it out, I love it. I really gives me a chance to express this side of talent.
Point 3: People
Sometimes I think you're a hpyocrite. All of the years I've known you, you hated a certain type of person, but every passing day I feel like you're becoming that type. That's just me though. I just hope you don't self-destruct and don't forget what should really matter to you most.
To another one: I hope you know I did distance myself from you for a reason. I really hope you the best, but at the same time I hope you realize that all time we spent, and all the effort I put into it, you be like "damn..kinda miss that".
We used to be so close. I miss it sometimes. Well, only a couple weeks ago I was reminded of it. But friends part and distance themselves. It happens and you can't do anything about it.
I'm jealous of you sometimes, but not with any bad intent or anything. It's just that I never seen you so happy in all the time I've known you. And I'm happy for you, but it kinda makes me wish I had something like that.
Props to you dude. To make something like that work out so well, despite the distance. I'm jealous of you too (with no bad intent of course). You were able to make a distance problem not one when I had it too.
You're a fucking douchebag. I don't dislike people, in fact I never have problems with people, but you're the one person that's an exception.
I don't want to wait for you. I've done enough of that, but's hard enough that I get reminded of it every so often.
Point 4: Friends
I just want to let all my friends know (whoever of you that still read my Xanga still) that you each mean a lot in my life. Honestly. You know who you are. I don't know what I do if I lost any of you. I don't see most of you cause of the school year, but I miss everyone. To fun times soon.
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The end for now.
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| I'm the first kid to write of hearts, lies, and friends
And I am sorry my conscience called in sick again
And I've got arrogance down to a science
Oh, and I'm the first kid to write of hearts, lies, and friends | | |
| ~SE 3 Everyday!~
So I had my doubts and reluctance about taking SE. Thoughts like, I didn't really go to BLD anymore, or I'm not ready for another retreat, or I'm too old for this, and other things along those lines. Bottom line was, I felt like already off the path with God and such. All the follow up calls and my mom asking me if I was taking it or not didn't really help to my ambivalence in taking it. Nonetheless, at the last second I said yes, I'll take it.
And it was a great choice. I came into the weekend, with an open heart, to make the best of it, despite my confusion on why I was taking it in the first place. Though I'm always up for meeting new people, I felt shy and nervous. Though I have Jan to thank for being there in the beginning, with him also being a candidate, I had someone to talk with to wait out the couple hours before the actual retreat started. And from there, I had no problem meeting and talking with new people.
As the first night progressed, I pretty much opened up and just let myself be myself: an outgoing, silly and fun person. Cracking jokes every chance I could get. Like the ~ during "Everyday", which would later be the class gesture/roll call. My group was awesome too. Reuben sandwich tribe! Adrienne was awesome to see after such a long time, and I got to know her better. And AJ, we had so much in common and had same sort of fucked up kind of humor. We got along just dandy.
And as Saturday rolled around, I got know just about everyone. When we split into nations, I took the lead, directing both skits. I realized then that my outgoing personality yielded to a leadership type of personality. And I never really saw myself as a leader. And with my creative juices, along with the ideas of the others that sooned to flow out, we had an awesome two skits. Power rangers, "Wan Dong", Filipino Dramas. It was all random and improv, but that's how I am haha.
What really hit me was when I was told I was going to be coordinator. Then all my doubts really went away. I felt like that was God saying to me personally, "Yo, this how I'm bringing you back to me." I've been off the path, and I got back on by taking SE. Now He's keeping me on with this new job. And I gladly accepted. He works in mstyerious ways, seriously. It's always like that.
Wow, I just realized I blogged alot. But bottom line is, I am glad I took the SE. I have a new family, new outlooks, and above all, I'm back on the path.
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| It's 7 and I'm already wasted, I'm 21 and I'm already hazy.
What am I gonna, what am I gonna do?
Kinda surreal that I turned 21 on Wednesday. Its like, how many years have I been waiting to turn 21, and now it finally hits, you're just like, wow, I'm old. But I celebrated 21 in style. Right at midnight I went to the bar, and it was strange to be in a bar..legally. You know the whole check your ID thing and you're okay. Then getting hammered because of the so many drinks I was handed to for the next hour. And then next up was the BBQ at my house. It started off chill with just a couple beers, then hard liquor came into the scene and it turned into a rager. 6 shots of Jack within the span of 5 minutes, endless shots of Zombie, getting so much cake on my face, starting fights, and getting a cooler of ice cold water dumped on me like if I were a football coach and we just won the big game. Yeah I got fucked up. But it was fun. Too bad I can only get away with that once in front of my parents.
Which makes me think, I really do have good friends. Even though most of them are assholes and they know it, I wouldn't have had it any other way. And to the the ones who aren't assholes (which now that I think about it, probably just the girls haha), you're awesome too. I love you all. I say this all the time, but its true: just spending my birthday with the best people in the world is the only thing I really needed (and getting fucked up too, cause of course it was 21st, which all of you successfully did).
Cece, I really wish you were there, that would have completed the picture. But you were there in heart and spirit, and in phone calls too haha. And being on top with the midnight phone calls and not forgetting like that one time (and yes I'll always bring that up lol). I miss you lots.
And Josh, sorry for punching you in the face....multiple times, but come on, you have to admit that was funny.
Paul, Adam, Jon, JoeO, Eric Liu, you're all assholes and you know it. LOL.
Kristel, thanks for being a voice of reason and crowd control (or at least thats what I remember you did). And for toasting drinks almost every time I saw you, just cause we're 21. Bars soon!
Vanessa, good idea with the Jack Daniels, even though I still find it strange that you like it. Girls dont drink JD! But it's cool. Oh and thanks for buying it too, along with Kristel. And Kris, for the Zombie. Thats when it turned into a rager.
Victoria, I was no where near sober when you finally showed up. But it reminded me of your birthday when you were the same way, except I wasn't on a toliet seat puking lol. But nonetheless I was happy when you finally came.
Collin, Keating and Sean, thanks for making the trip all the way to Howell to celebrate. And for all the drinks at the bar the night before. Oh my god. Got so done. Really appreciate it.
And for everyone else I didnt mention specifically, I still love you too. Thanks for the birthday love.
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| iJokax (12:11:06 AM): wait til you turn 21... you'll go to bars and clubs and 1 of 2 things will happen iJokax (12:11:35 AM): either 1. you'll be like ew all these chicks are ugly... and you'll try to find the cutest girl there so you have to pick her out of a bunch... or just leave iJokax (12:12:04 AM): or 2. all the girls in the bar or club are hella cute... so you gotta pick the right 1 for you LMAO. Wow. Wise words of Albert Lam. A month and a half more til 21.
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Summertime has been relaxing. I've done a lot already, but I'm stilll jobless. Ahh running out of money. More of a real blog sometime soon.
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